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March 24, 2011 / allyo


Our mortgage mediation date has been set – April 13.

MD and I had a discussion last night that put us at odds on what the ideal outcome might be, but I think I am just so tired of not knowing what happens next that I’m latching on to short sale/rent because I KNOW what will happen there. If we keep the house, that means a lot of physical work, which I’ll do the lion’s share of, and then in 2-3 years hope and pray the market has recovered enough that we’ll be able to sell. I’m afraid we’ll end up right where we are now, only having put in MORE time, MORE money, MORE sweat, and MORE of ourselves. MD says, so? At least we’ll be making the choice and not moving under the gun.

I’m just scared. I feel like every decision we’ve ever made with this house has been the wrong one. That’s 10 years of bad decisions and what if we fight to keep the thing and it turns out to be the worst decision of all?

Exacerbating all this is MD’s not understanding why this is bothering me so much, why I’m fixated on it, why I’m taking it out on him (he says, I feel like he’s hasn’t seen nothing yet) when he’s been the one to handle all the house stuff except for the workout packet, which I put together. He feels like he’s taken this on for nothing now because I’m still anxious. Again, he really doesn’t know how bad it could be.

It’s not just what the mediation outcome will be, it’s actually going through the mediation. I hate confrontation like this, and we’ll be dealing with the mortgage company’s lawyer. We’re representing ourselves. The  lawyer will have all our workout stuff. Our financial info. And I’m so worried…what if she’s mean? What if she puts us down? Makes us feel not worthy of home ownership? Because she’ll be right in a way. That’s what subprime mortgages are about, right? Giving houses to people that can’t really afford them?

I know. Financial success doesn’t determine one’s worth. I just would like to retain a smidge of dignity at the end of all of this. And I wish my husband could just understand me, but I’m not sure I understand myself.



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  1. dawn / Mar 24 2011 11:18 am

    Oh, Allyo, I’ve been thinking of you guys lots through this. I don’t know what the outcome will be or ought to be but I hope you are at the end of a worrisome time and can get in to better things. You deserve a break from the past few years.

  2. Mystik Momma / Mar 24 2011 7:50 pm

    Hmmm,…. well I wish I could tell you something that would help MD understand your position… but I can’t. I am with you on this one.. as I know you have not been happy and longing to be somewhere else. At this point it doesn’t matter if you rent or own.. as none of that really makes a difference. The real point is to create a home that supports you as a family and that doesn’t suck the life out of you, which we both know this one has. You need to be somewhere that allows you to live, get up and go explore life, not feel tied down to all these overwhelming projects, that take your time up and waste precious moments of life that are meant to be lived.

    I think you just pick and and move now.. don’t wait, take life into your own hands and stop taking what others are allowing for you. Maybe that is the real lesson here… it isn’t about just being on the receiving end… it is about time you both stood up for you and your family.

    Knowing MD as much as I do… I realize that taking a hard stand and making his own decisions and “believing” in them is not a normal pattern which is why this is difficult for him to see this. But you both need to trust in your future and create it, as you see it and want it.

    Big hugs to you both…

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