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January 7, 2010 / allyo

Re-entry is a bitch

Our little family fell into a happy rhythm over the holidays. MD’s Christmas layoff/break started the day after Thanksgiving and despite my worries and his actual past behavior, it was a joy having him home. Instead of being depressed, frustrated and angry, he got stuff done. He rested his body and his mind but he also got a bunch of stuff done around the house and took care of a lot of the day to day household stuff. Most weekdays I was able to come home to a bright, warm house and find my husband and my son in the kitchen, laughing and dancing and making dinner. We were also able to get out a bit more than usual both on our own and with friends. It was lovely.

I knew getting back to the normal routine would be hard but I didn’t realize how much MD was propping me up over break. Each day I could walk in the door and leave all the work and outside world crap where it belonged. MD’s moods are incredibly infectious and if he’s happy, I’m happy. But now he’s back at work and he’s tired and his body hurts and his stress levels are back up. I threw a bit of a snit last night because he was a bit grouchy. I was very self-righteous and all but now I’m realizing just how selfish it was.

I’ve been in this marriage long enough to know where this self-absorption will lead. We’ve both given each other the “This needs to change or I can’t live with you anymore” talk enough times that finally – FINALLY! – I can see myself heading down this path. As I’m thinking about this new year, about my career goals, my personal goals and the two people that mean the most to me, I know that something has to give. It’s time to readjust my expectations to match my priorities.

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One Comment

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  1. LittleWit / Jan 9 2010 8:51 am

    *hugs* re-entry does sound like quite the adjustment. I am not so sure how we will handle it.

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