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July 28, 2009 / allyo

My adoption triad: Part 1 (updated with links)

Just writing that title feels a little funny. I never thought of my story as part of the adoption narrative, but ages ago when Dawn and I were talking, she made a comment about kinship adoption being especially difficult because of the pre-existing relationships. Especially in a case like mine, where the adoptive mother was also the mother of the birth mother.

This reframing of my story as one of adoption has helped me work through some things.* I’ve been able to use words like abandonment. I’ve claimed my rights as my mother’s daughter. And since my mother’s death I’ve been thinking about how the three of us – my mother, my grandmother, and I – fit into the adoption triad. How our roles both conform and differ to those in other stories with which I am familiar.

The hardest role to re-examine has been that of my grandmother. And after I click publish on this, I’m going to try and sort out what I need to say. I do want to note that while these posts will be full of pain, I’m really ok at this point. I’m dealing with the aftermath of what I’m going to write about and I’ll get to that eventually after I sort through this bizarre love triangle.

*You know how Dawn is going back to school to be a counselor? I’m looking forward to the day that I can PAY her for both the insight and comfort she brings into my life.



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  1. LittleWit / Jul 28 2009 10:58 am

    I am glad that you have someone who brings you so comfort and calm into your life. *hugs*

  2. Thorn / Jul 28 2009 3:17 pm

    I’m glad you’re talking and thinking about this. I think Lee has some unresolved issues in how she deals with her complex family-adoption triad stuff and hearing stories like yours (and, as I was telling Dawn, seeing healthy open adoptions like Madison’s) seems to help her.

    And it was great to meet you! We both really enjoyed it.

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