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January 14, 2009 / allyo

Resolution 2009: Ask for help

I called my friend D yesterday to ask for some help with Jamie tomorrow. The viewing for my grandma is 4:00-8:00 and MD isn’t leaving work until 5, and we had just about figured out the logistics for him and Jamie getting to the viewing for a little bit when he asked, “But, when do we have time to eat dinner?” Damn, kind of important.

So I cooked up a plan in which my friend D picks Jamie up (she’s on our list, since she lives around the corner anyway) and feeds Jamie dinner and then MD picks him up there, and that’s what we’re doing, but damn, if it wasn’t hard for me to ask. I did, apologizing, because I didn’t have a choice.

Thing is, asking for and accepting help is a good thing. Let’s put it this way. If my grandma had “asked for help” (applied for the assistance she surely would have received), she could have received hospice care and died at home, like my grandma o just did. But grandma was too stubborn and C, well, C did whatever my grandma asked. At the heart of our estrangement was the fact that I wanted my grandma to ask for some help already, instead of pretending to be so independent. When in fact being “independent” meant stealing every last bit of C’s time and energy.

Asking for help means finally making an appointment to see my doctor.  It means making that playdate I’ve been thinking about making, so that Jamie and I have company on one of our long Sunday afternoons without MD. It means a lot of things, and all of them involve being open and a little vulnerable. I can’t describe how hard it was for me to tell the appointment* person WHY I wanted to see my doctor. Why do you think it took me 4 months to finally pick up the damn phone already?

So that’s it. The big resolution of 2009. Ask for help already.

*Funny (not really) story about that. I actually had an appointment last Friday but realized after I got to the office that I had left my wallet at home. Then couldn’t reschedule because I didn’t know how long my grandma o was going to hang on and when I was going to be taking time off for her funeral. So before I could write this I HAD to call back and reschedule! And tell them TWICE!!



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  1. dawn / Jan 14 2009 2:47 pm

    Ask for help, for gosh sakes. Your friends, we love you. (But I’m the same way so I get it.) Is the Historical Society open on Sundays? That’s such a nice playdate because we could sit and ignore the children and it’s quiet and it’s not being stuck at home. Plus we have a membership and can get you in free if you don’t.

  2. LittleWit / Jan 14 2009 5:24 pm

    Asking for help can be very good but it can also be so liberating when you finally realize you can’t do it all by yourself and no one expects you to! And good for you getting that appointment scheduled, even if you did have to call twice.

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