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November 13, 2008 / allyo

In which I offer solutions then immediately make them ineffective

MD and I talked yesterday afternoon about the morning issue. Actually, I just took a deep breath and said, “I know I am overreacting in some ways to the morning chaos and I know I’ve always been that way I hate sharing the house with anyone early in the morning and just want to be left alone so I’ll work on that and I know that I have to work on not saying mean things because that’s just as bad or worse than yelling but I really need you to work on the yelling too. Please. Ok?” MD asked me to give him some additional strategies (that’s a part of our typical give and take, not that he’s putting it all on me, just, if one of us wants to see something change then we need to bring some ideas to the table) and I suggested that he reinforce the morning routine more so that he can have Jamie do some things without supervision – like getting himself dressed – because he’s old enough that not only do we not need to be breathing down his neck every minute but it’s only going to make him dig his heels in more. And I suggested that he build in some time before they leave for daycare for reading or doing something fun together so that Jamie has a reward for not dawdling. Or something that can be held over his head. Heh.

And then I blew it this morning because I was somewhat trapped in the shower by Jamie’s dawdling on the toilet. He thinks if he sits there long enough we’ll forget to make him wash his hands. And I think he’s having a hard time telling if he’s done doing #2 lately but that’s a different issue. As I’m writing this, it’s dawning on me that he’s probably trying to avoid washing his hands because it’s become another serious bone of contention around here. He lets the water run and run and run while he thinks about putting soap on his hands, then stares at the soap on his hands then s l o w l y starts to rub his hands together until he FINALLY washes them off. It’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to both MD and I and we’ve been riding him about it a lot. I think we need to just leave him to it for awhile and worry about saving the planet later. Plus, I think he’s following the instructions they give him at school and we’re just confusing the HELL out of him. Well, not the staring at his hands part, but the rest.

Anyway, back to this morning. I’m in the shower and he’s refusing to get off the toilet and my options are to wait him out or get out and wipe his butt while dripping wet with towel wrapped around me. I decided to wait him out and then flipped my shit and took away everything fun thing he and MD were going to do. And then MD took charge and they ended up leaving early because MD got them back on track but I had taken everything away. And MD very neutrally suggested that if I want him to take charge of the morning routine then maybe I should, you know, LET HIM TAKE CHARGE.

I have control issues. I realize this. I don’t think it’s ever going to change but I am getting better about keeping my damn mouth shut. Little by little. I should have it nailed by the time I have grandkids.

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2 Comments

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  1. LittleWit / Nov 13 2008 5:28 pm

    By the time you have grandkids you will be blessed with the ability to say whatever you please cause folks will just shrug it off. 😉

  2. MystikMomma / Nov 13 2008 9:46 pm

    I think we all do the best we can and if at times we slip up, oh well, we slip up. I read one of your comments about a timer… I actually bought one and use it all the time! It helps them realize they have things to do in a timely manner. Of course there are moments when I see it is about to go off and I give them a couple of extra minutes when they aren’t looking… but the timer really helps. It can move around the house with me… very effective. In fact I have it on now, as V needs to clean up the mess he made before bed!

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