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August 14, 2008 / allyo

This is how we build

Jamie and I were having a silly conversation this morning on the way to daycare about extended family members, and he was making up funny – and outrageous – things about them. Like, Grandma O lives in the medicine store (pharmacy) and Aunt K is the one that bakes cake. Behind the silliness is his effort these days to make sense of the greater world out there, and his place and his people’s place in it.

He was cracking me up on a morning that is bringing new C-related news and stress, and so I looked in the rearview mirror and said, “Jamie, have I told you this morning that I love you?” His response was, “So tell me!” and I did, and he giggled and said he loved me too. And I had the realization yet again that these moments are the tiny little building blocks that make up the relationship between parent and child. And that God-willing, Jamie will grow up to be a happy, normal guy and we’ll have the type of relationship I’ve seen between other adult children and parents. Easy, reciprocal, loving.

How many of us are walking around missing these important pieces, with big, gaping holes in our key relationships? Having a family of my own is helping to patch them, but it doesn’t change the fact that the damage is there in the first place.

Jamie (again, God-willing) will grow up in the same home, with the same parents, that he was born too. He has always known our voices. We are a family with our own rhythms and habits, and I know how lucky I am to have had this second chance.

C isn’t doing so great. Her roommate is refusing to leave the house and Ruthie is worried about what will happen to the house and to C’s valuables with her in it. Ruthie and Morris are going over today to try and force her out, and Ruthie came by this morning to get my key.

This is Cs life. It’s always been this way. From home to home, the same, ever rotating cast of characters, sometimes in favor, sometimes the enemy. Ruthie has always been her one constant.

I need to talk to a lawyer about power of attorney and from what I am hearing from Ruthie I think we may be out of hope sooner rather than later. I’m off to the hospital to talk to the doctor this afternoon to get the details.

My big regret is the fact that the last time Jamie saw C was in April. And I don’t think he’ll have another chance. But then I remember why that is, and I’m just sad. For all of us. But Ruthie herself said he’s young, he’ll be ok. He won’t have very strong memories of her if this turns out the way I think it will. But it is what it is, and he has plenty of people in his life that love him, and that he loves. Some of them even live at the pharmacy, and how cool is that? 🙂

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  1. MystikMomma / Aug 14 2008 10:05 am

    Well, knowing how large your extended family is, I say Jamie, you and MD are blessed! (Not to mention the large circle of friends that surround you near and far).

    All I can say is that yes it is a shame the woman who bore you life is not a more healthy person in your life or Jamie’s. It is a disappointment, but you have countless others in your life that have been present and constantly give to your lives. This is the important thing to hold onto. There are many people who don’t have this large circle surrounding them, so you are very blessed. I know you know this, but I wanted to just say, we love you all and really do pray for your happiness daily.

    Strength to you as you walk down this path with C.

    Hugs to my dear friend from a small hill somewhere in Italy!
    (I have been going through memory lane, while unpacking)!

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