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July 15, 2008 / allyo

The hazards of co-sleeping

With your spouse, that is. MD’s had semi-permanent residence on the couch for going on two years now due to a) his sleep apnea and b) his absolute stuboorn refusal reluctance to go through another sleep study so he can have his c-pap machine recalibrated. But. Recently he lost a bunch of weight (through mental determination, apparently – men suck), and I’ve noticed from the upstairs that he hasn’t been snoring nearly as loudly. In fact, I haven’t had to use ear plugs to block out his snoring one and a half floors away since spring. So, I said we could try him in bed again, but ONLY if he’d put his machine on if I asked him to in the middle of the night.

Now, MD is one of those people that you can carry on entire conversations with, not realizing that he’s actually asleep. Or you may not realize it until he bites your head off for laughing at some bizarre non-sequitor, something that happened in our early dating days (we were NAPPING!). That particular incident ended in tears until he finally woke up and explained what had happened, but there have been times when I’ve pummeled him repeatedly in the head with my um, pillow, until he woke up mad for real because he’s been so damn annoying and won’t shut the hell up already.

All in all, I’ve learned to not sweat it and I can usually find the right balance between taking him seriously enough so that he doesn’t get mad at me…in his sleep…and being dismissive enough that he’ll go the hell…back?…to sleep. So, last night he went to bed before me and apologized in advance for whatever rudeness might occur on his part when I did finally come to bed and might possibly have to shove him back over to his side, as we are both extreme bed hogs. Amazingly enough, about forty-five minutes later when I went upstairs he was curled up on his own side of the bed and didn’t stir when I crawled under covers. But an hour later I woke up to him demanding that I help him find…the tomatoes. The fucking tomatoes – why won’t I help him find the fucking tomatoes?? They’re RIGHT HERE – and he starts throwing the covers around. I sternly told him that “There aren’t ANY TOMATOES in bed, now GO BACK TO SLEEP.” And he immediately did. As did I. Only to wake up briefly a few hours later when Jamie crawled into bed. But being shoved over to the edge of the bed by your three year old ain’t nothing to your husband insisting that there are chopped tomatoes hiding under the covers.



Leave a Comment
  1. Mystik Momma / Jul 16 2008 3:49 pm

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA I mean I laughed out loud, this was funny!

    Good luck with the tomatoes… I love that it was tomatoes and not cheese puffs! Hugs to you both, missing you!

  2. FriendD / Jul 17 2008 9:04 am

    love it.

  3. B / Jul 30 2008 8:47 am

    Between us, K is the night-talker. My favorite: “No mice! NO MICE!!!”

    I just snore.


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