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May 12, 2007 / allyo

Mother’s day

Picking out Mother’s Day cards has never been an easy or quick task for me. There was my grandma, who in my heart was my mother but her card had to say “grandma” and it couldn’t be more lovey-dovey than my mom’s. My mom’s I never want to be lovey-dovey at all. Then my stepmom, my “other” mother but I’m always keenly aware that she has two kids of her “own” and so she has to get one of those “for any mom” cards. Thank heavens for my mil who isn’t picky and is just happy to get a phone call as a card.

After Jamie was born it was a little easier because I could focus on super-cute grandbaby cards. And of course this year grandma’s gone so I don’t have to worry about balancing the amount of love expressed in hers and my mom’s cards. But still, choosing a card for C is surreal. There’s no card made that can adequately project how I feel about her. Nothing that says, “you’re in my life even though I’d kinda rather you weren’t and technically you gave birth to me so I have to get you a card for mother’s day.” And for whatever reason this year the greeting card company’s really stressed the “thanks for all you’ve taught me mom” message.

Gee mom, thanks for teaching me the only person I can count on is myself. Thanks for showing me what bad choices look like so I could avoid making them myself. Thanks for disappearing for years at a time when I was growing up so I could be free from your poisonous influence.

Thanks for forcing me to take stock of what is important – my own family. Thanks for forcing me to set boundaries. Thanks to you I know exactly what an unhealthy relationship looks like and will never enter into another one with you.

I’m taking a class at church on personal gifts and answering God’s call and last week we took a gifts inventory. My second highest-scoring gift was mercy and I think the way I practice it most in my life right now is with C. So thanks C, for making me stretch beyond what is comfortable for me. Thanks for not going away, for not disappearing, no matter how much I wish you would. Thanks for loving your grandson, although I’ll never stop protecting him from you. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to practice mercy.

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2 Comments

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  1. karriew / May 14 2007 1:45 pm

    Phew. That’s rough. But I hear you. And good for you for being so strong.

    Happy belated Mother’s Day, Ally!

  2. Austina / May 24 2007 9:13 pm

    You know, I never thought about all the mother’s day cards that are out there and how certain ones are for certain people, but I do the same thing. I have to find the card that is non emotional for my mother in law, as that is the happy go lucky, “Have a great Mother’s Day” card. Then there is my mom, the one that can be thoughtful and reflective, up until this year. With all that has happened, well I just had a hard time. So the artwork won out on that one. Just a beautiful card that wasn’t corny, know what I mean?

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