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March 3, 2007 / allyo

Sometimes I’m really dumb – no, really!

It’s funny how a simple lapse in judgement (or moment of laziness, take your pick) can snowball until you’re scratching your head wondering where it all went wrong. Say you bought some clothes the other day and your hands were too full you were too lazy to take them in that night. And the next night. Etc., until finally you want to wear something you bought, now earlier in the week. So you put your jeans on and while you’re making your way to the door you notice not one but both dogs hovering around the kitchen gate, so obviously wanting to go outside to pee that if they were 2.5 year olds they’d be grabbing their pants saying, “GO POTTY!”

But you just want to run outside really quick because it’s muddy and you don’t want to have to stop and wipe their paws off. (See, lazy.) You run to the other door to put your shoes on but the ones you want to wear aren’t there. Not only do you not want to stop to let the dogs out to pee, you don’t want to be bothered with having to change your shoes so you run back up two flights of stairs to your room to get the right pair…but they’re not there…they’re in the car. You run back downstairs, barely registering that at the bottom of the first flight the dogs are whining and dancing their potty dance. No, you go all the way to the other door, find your husband’s flip flops, run out to the car, grab your clothes out of the trunk, unlock the door, grab your shoes, run back inside only to discover to your horror that one of the dogs (*cough*CORY*cough*) has peed on the carpet. And that not only has he peed on the carpet, he started at the stairs, turned right, walked a few steps, turned left, meandered around the chair, back to the play area where he peed in one, two, three spots. And you know he took this insanely circuitous route because he peed a teeny, tiny bit the entire way.

And, right where he really started to let loose, lie scattered Jamie’s new favorite toy, which he dumped on his way out the door in the morning yesterday two days ago Tuesday. The same ones you stepped over four times while running around looking for your shoes and running out the back door. The ones that you looked at each time and thought, “I really have to take like two seconds and pick those things up.”

Your brain freezes for a moment like it does when your kid pukes on you out of nowhere, the resulting mess almost too much to comprehend. And you know that you can’t just throw everything away like that one time your’s and Jamie’s clothes were coated in a chunky, antibiotic-laden pink sludge.

So you take attack the mess one element at a time until finally, a half hour later, the cardboard cards and magnets are drying in the kitchen, the play mats have been wiped down and are in the garage awaiting either a dunk in the bathtub or a spray with the house and a wiping down with dish soap – depending on how cold it is this weekend – and the carpet has been sprayed down and wiped up. Then you finally put on the sweater that no longer seems quite so cute, shove your feet in the shoes, which, ditto, and run out the door, quite late for work.

And you have no one to blame but yourself. Damn.


One Comment

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  1. karriew / Mar 4 2007 1:03 pm

    Isn’t that always the way when you try and quickly do something the way you want to do it? 🙂

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