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November 9, 2006 / allyo

Panicking a little over here

I’m starting to panic a little about leaving tomorrow. We are in day 3 of Tantrumgate and the house looks and feels as though we are under siege. We have good and bad days of daycare, and the good have outnumbered the bad this week, 3-1. (Sadly, a score that is flipped at home.) Don’t get me wrong, I am 100% ready for a break and am looking forward to my first night sleeping totally alone in many, many moons (even though my room the first night is a smoking room. Good grief.) It’s just that Jamie started something last night, while tantruming, he howls for me – even when I’m right there, sometimes trying to keep him from banging his brains out – as though the hounds of hell were after him and only I can pull him to safety. The thought of him crying for me like that and me not being here is putting my dangerously close to a panic attack.

I did manage to get him to bed almost an hour earlier than the current average and I’m hoping that helps. We are all very short on sleep right now and maybe with a good night’s rest under his belt we won’t have another morning like this one, when tantrum #1 (of the day, I stopped counting them because it’s too damn depressing) came on suddenly while Jamie was happily eating his breakfast. One minute he’s standing on his beloved stool munching away on his peanut butter toast (buttered and peanut buttered by himself even), the next, he’s trying to rip the kitchen gate completely out of the wall (or so I’m told, this one happened while I was in the shower.)

I got some good advice from Moxie on preparing him for me not being here, but with the way the past couple of months have been, haven’t gotten any farther than, "Jamie, mommy’s going to be flying on an airplane like this one soon!" I don’t know what to do tomorrow morning. My gut is telling me to explain to him that daddy will be picking him up at the end of the day because mommy has to work. He understands that because of MD’s schedule. Almost every night on the way home he asks, "See daddy?" and most nights I explain that no, daddy’s working and we won’t see him until the morning. So if I tell him I’ll be working tomorrow night and won’t be there for bed and I have to be away for a few days for work it won’t get the whole idea across but will give md something to build on Saturday morning when he wakes up for the first time ever without me here. (Gah, have to stop writing, very close to tears.)

Deep breath.

Ok. Md’s looking forward to it I think, even though he knows it’s going to be grueling. I’m off tomorrow and my flight doesn’t leave until 5, which is a good thing because I haven’t packed yet. This damn, gorgeous weather. I had my clothes all planned but it is going to be in the 60s this weekend and I have to rethink things.

We’ll all live through this and I think I’m going to really enjoy the trip. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. (mommmeee!)

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