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September 28, 2006 / allyo

Blessings

anniversary flowers

Our 7th wedding anniversary was this week. We joked a bit about the 7 year itch, but actually, it’s the reverse. Something happened when grandma died. We pulled together and all the shit was dropped for a couple of weeks. I realized that truly, without the baggage and bull and attitudes, we have an amazing marriage. So as we started to snip and snipe at each other again, I said, "enough." I told Mad Dog that I wanted our marriage o be the way it could be, the way it had been in a time of crisis, and that I was going to work hard to make that happen. It mostly means keeping a sense of humor and not sweating the small stuff. And with md meeting me half way, things have been much, much easier and nicer around here.

At work we’ve been talking a lot about a convergence that may be happening. How a variety of disparate stakeholders are suddenly focusing on the same thing, the very thing that happens to be our mission. Considering we’re the city of plan and talk but no do, it’s an exciting opportunity and everyone’s been talking about how to make certain it doesn’t slip by without actual action happening.

It really feels like the same thing is happening for me personally. My job, wow. An amazing opportunity and hopefully I’m not going to screw it up. So far things are going well, I just have to keep my head above water for the next couple of months. I’ve been looking for a new job for a few years now, but the reasons for that have passed (um, away, in one case, sad to say) and our company is itself going through a rare change.

I have the child I’ve wanted for so long, and I couldn’t be happier to finally be a mom. This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt confident in myself. In my abilities, hell, in my instincts. I know how to be a mother and I love it. It’s the most fullfilling thing I could ever hope to do and I’m blessed with an amazing, healthy, smart, loving, child.

The night before our anniversary, I asked MD if we were doing gifts. We had already decided we were doing takeout for dinner because neither one of us felt like cooking and getting a sitter during the week just doesn’t seem worth it. Besides, spending a week night together as a family is still a treat and neither one of us thought being away from Jamie was the way to celebrate. So I asked him about gifts and he was like, nah, just cards. Maybe a token gift or something, but nothing big.

So, we went to bed. And Jamie’s been sleeping really well probably 5 nights a week since he finally got over the serial viruses last month, so when he woke around 5 or 6 I was in a deep sleep, the kind I never thought I’d get to experience again. The kind where you close your eyes and suddenly, it’s morning. After getting him settled I went to the bathroom where the big ass vase of flowers sitting on the counter scared the bejeezus out of me. No gifts my patootie!

Compare this to our first anniversary when I also received a dozen roses but they were left in my car as a surprise rather than the bathroom because MD just couldn’t get the night off work. Life is different these days. We’ve been married 7 years. In that time, 6 years ago I started at my current company. 5 years ago we bought our house. A year later, I finally completed my  masters degree. The first 4 years of our marriage were difficult at best, painful and soul-killing at worst. We’ve logged in hundreds of hours of counseling, together, and on our own. I’ll be 36 next month. If you had asked me 3 years ago if I was happy with my life and if I was where I thought I would be at 33 I would have emphatically said, "NO." My job, which began as a great opportunity, had started to seriously suck. The incredibly specialized degree that I was in thousands of dollars in debt over wasn’t paying off professionally. I lived in a house that I hated. We were broke with no relief in sight. MD and I had narrowly avoided divorce but I wasn’t convinced that we were actually in the clear. And it actually took me finally getting pregnant after 3 years of on-again, off-again trying, to get his head out of his ass for good. My pregnancy was a honeymoon period for us, the first time in years we were in sync. 2 years ago Jamie was born and I started this blog and you only have to read the archives to now how I’ve struggled in many areas in the past 2 years, but now, I can say, I am happy. Really, truly, happy. No buts or if onlys or kinda sortas, I’m there. I am so, so lucky to have all I have. My life is full of blessings.

Happy Anniversary sweetie. I wouldn’t have made it here without you. I love you.

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3 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Kelly / Sep 28 2006 9:20 pm

    I have teared up. What a great post. Ain’t love grand!

  2. Amanda. / Oct 1 2006 8:54 am

    Sniff. Sniff sniff.

    Happy anniversary, you crazy kids, you.

  3. Emmie (Better Make It A Double) / Oct 3 2006 1:25 pm

    This is so nice to read. Congratulations on all your hard work, and on how it has paid off.

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