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August 21, 2006 / allyo

Yawn. Even considering it’s Monday, yawn.

I’m wiped. I hosted an 8 am meeting this morning which means I had to be here at 7:30. Ungodly, that hour. I mean, with a toddler at home any deviation from the normal schedule means chaos, and my workday usually starts at 9. And I usually get a half hour at home by myself after MD and Jamie leave before I leave myself. Ok, fine, I’m spoiled. But, today’s early start was even more painful because Jamie woke up at 3 this morning demanding to nurse. Now, when he was so sick last week he did have unfettered access to the boob because, duh, that’s one of the reasons we’re still nursing. That extra insurance during nasty viruses and tonsilitis and stuff. The past few days we’ve been tapering back down to our usual 2ce day/ a little more on the weekends. But he’s been doing the 5 am wakeup thing again, and just to keep the peace and to get him back the hell to sleep where he belongs I’ve been nursing him. And of course mr. give-me-an-inch-i’ll-take-a-mile had translated that to, the boob bar is open  all night again, whoo-hoo! Uh, no. No way, no how. So we had an hour-long tantrum between 3-4 am. Brat.

I had a couple of interesting revelations recently. Friday afternoon I was stressing a bit because the house was a mess (still is, oops*), and I was trying to spend time with Jamie but feeling guilty for not also getting domestic-type chores done. And I realized I’ve always told my SAHM friends to not feel guilty for not having a spotless house- you stay home to be with the kids, not to be a maid. So why the hell wasn’t I cutting myself the same slack?

And along that vein, I was fretting a bit on Sunday because Jamie still wasn’t back to 100% and I was unhappy that he’d watched so much tv over the past week and a half and we hadn’t been outside much and I always feel like we don’t have enough "summer fun," but then I felt guilty because he didn’t get out to play in the snow AT ALL last winter and MD just looked at me and said, ‘He isn’t even TWO yet. He’s having plenty of fun." And then he was like, did you not get a lot of chances to play as a kid or something and I realized, no, not really. There weren’t any kids in my neighborhood and my grandparents never really played with me. We played card games, but not board games and nothing else, no pretend or anything like that. And if Jamie’s an only child, I want to make sure we step up and make sure it’s not like that for him. MD was like, he’s fine! He has plenty of fun, we play with him ALL the time. And I realized he was right. So I’m going to stop beating myself up. I swear. It’s on my list, right here under "let go of your anger at your mom." Heh.

*Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that once you have a kid, the house is either decent or shockingly bad? It’s like, if you can just stay on top of things the chaos is somewhat controlled, but the very minute you let your guard down, it jumps you from behind and takes over.

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2 Comments

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  1. Mama C-ta / Aug 22 2006 9:56 pm

    Oh yeah it’s crazy how quickly your house can explode.

    Bummer about the night nursing, I hope you get back where you were on that!

  2. Sherry / Aug 23 2006 10:15 pm

    Yep. Once you turn your back for a second, all hell breaks loose in the domesticana department.

    Here’s to hoping the boob bar closes for the late night crowd soon.

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