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February 6, 2006 / allyo

No doubts!

Oh my gosh. This entire post almost got eaten by Typepad, but I saved it with some lucky "back-" ing and "forward-" ing. Eesh.

I rarely write about my stepmom or dad or brother or sister here, because overall my interactions with them are pleasant and boring and not really blog-worthy. However, my stepmom can be quite opinionated, bull-headed, and closed-minded when she choses, and I really wanted to kill her yesterday.

It started innocently enough. She had taken him for a couple of hours so I could have some baby-free errand-time (and some latte-drinking, book-reading time, yay!). About an hour after I got back (to her place, we go there every-other sunday for dinner), she commented that Jamie was acting pretty tired. I explained that he had been waking up at the ungodly hour of 6 am recently and it throws him off. I said I’d probably have to bite the bullet and keep him up a little later than usual this week to get him back on trap. (Sleep-trainers and the like, save me the "the earlier to bed, the longer they’ll sleep" business, yes, in general, I’ve found it to be true, but I do know my son.)

She asked, well can’t he just play in his crib? Um, first, that’s not the issue. The issue is he’s waking up too early, not that he’s a bother when he does. Second, damn. I expained he’s sleeping with us almost full-time these days. And of course, she jumped my shit about it. "Just let him cry! He’ll be sleeping in a sleeping bag on your floor for years like your brother!"

RIGHT! Because, I should let him cry, even though it didn’t work for my brother. I know she tried it, because she let my sister CIO when she was a toddler. So obviously she tried it with my brother, and get this…IT DID NOT WORK! And yet my statement that CIO doesn’t work with every child was met by a shrug and an eye-roll. Yes, one time, when I was desperate, I tried CIO. It didn’t work. We tried it for three days, the duration got longer, the hysterics got worse, and if we’d left him, I’m pretty sure he would have puked. THEN, it took me days to get him back into his crib. Then she started spouting that utter and complete crap that the reason it doesn’t work is because he’s learned to manipulate me and that he knows we’ll give in.

It was on the verge of getting ugly, so I just took Jamie downstairs to play for a bit, and when I came up, it was dropped. But you know what? Don’t tell my how happy and wonderful and smart my child is, then tell me I’m doing something so wrong that it’s going to screw him up for years because the two concepts DO NOT go together.

And last night, Jamie had a bad night. It was after a really good night Saturday and I was really frustrated at 4 am because he had been rolling around restlessly forever it seemed like, so I marched him to his room and sat down in the rocker to nurse. He struggled up to my shoulder and farted like, half a dozen times. My pea-sized, sleepy brain filed this away under, "boy he’s been gassy lately," and I then wasted a half hour getting him into his crib. He woke up about 45 minutes later and I brought him back to bed, propped him up on my shoulder and put my arms around him so that he couldn’t thrash around, and there he slept, propped on my arm, then my pillow, until 7 am exactly.

And then I realized this morning that he was thrashing around and had a hard time settling down to sleep last night because he’s been really gassy lately, and he was obviously uncomfortable, and that MD and I had even commented on this very thing saturday night because he woke up a couple of times while we were watching tv, which, while I am very sorry to say still happens around these parts often enough that the waking in and of itself wasn’t notable, the way he woke up was – he woke abruptly and crying, not the little, why am I awake whimpering we usually hear, but loud, angry crying, and I put it all together and then smacked myself upside the forehead and reminded myself of two things:

1. I know my child and am qualified to parent my child.

2. When in doubt of my abilities, see rule number 1.

So now I have to figure out why he’s been so gassy lately, because miracle of miracles, the top two Molars are in enough that they’re not bothering him that much any more and he’s sleeping again! Oh, heavenly, only-broken-twice-a-night sleep!

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2 Comments

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  1. Moxie / Feb 6 2006 2:38 pm

    Yeah.

    El Chico also wouldn’t have ever CIO’d successfully. Any time he cried for anything it would escalate and escalate. I am sure that he could and would have cried for hours and hours if I’d let him.

    I hate it when people whip out “manipulate” like it’s the worst thing a kid can do. When El CHico was relaly skall (some time in the first 6 months) I was complaining to my mom about how he cried whenever I’d do something he didn’t like and she said to me, “You taught him this. You taught him that how he feels is important and that he’s a worthwhile person and he needs to make his needs known. It’s more work than if you’d just ignored him and taught him what he thinks isn’t worth anything, but what a gift you’ve given him.” So I say manipulation/schmanipulation.

    Oh, and here’s something. When El Chico was around 20 months or so (maybe a little older) I noticed that there were some nights when he’d go down and then wake up every two hours or so. it was driving me out of my head. And it wasn’t every night. I just couldn’t figure out what was happening, since his naps were the same, etc. the my husband figured out that it was happening on days that he had French fries with ketchup after around 3 in the afternoon. The tomato (and probably the vinegar) was giving him heartburn or reflux or something that kept waking him up. Once we limited cooked tomato products to before 1 pm, the problem stopped. I hope Jamie’s mystery is as simply solved, and that you figure it out better than I did.

  2. whylime / Feb 6 2006 3:06 pm

    You know your boy better than anyone in the universe. CIO doesn’t work for all babies and you know that it isn’t right for your family. You are right, you are right, you are right. Oh, and you are so right about your son. Grrrr to other people telling us how to parent our children.

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