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September 30, 2005 / allyo

Finding out

It was a Saturday, Feb. 7th, 2004, to be exact, around 1 pm. MD and I were getting ready to run some errands, and while I was waiting for him to finish getting dressed, I laid down on the couch to shut my eyes for a minute. I woke up around 2 1/2 hours later from a sound sleep and that’s when I realized. I was supposed to get my period a week ago. I had been peeing every hour for the last week. I was starving all the time.

I was pregnant.

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We’d had so many false alarms that we decided to wait one more day before taking a HPT. My cycle had gotten longer and longer over the years since we had started trying (3, to be exact, with breaks here and there) and so finally we had decided I wouldn’t test until I got to 35 days. That Saturday was day 35.

We went out that night to a work-related gallery opening. Before the reception we had dinner at a really great local Mexican restaurant, and I had a margarita and a couple of cigarettes. It was my way of letting fate know that she was still in charge and I wasn’t taking anything for granted. We went to the opening and I lasted about an hour before I had to go home and go to sleep.

The next day, all I remember is MD went out to do…what I don’t know. Errands? Drink? I don’t remember. Things were very different back then and he would sometimes take off for the entire day with vague promises of when he would be back. Promises that were usually broken. We had a family thing in the late afternoon, and finally I called to tell him I was running to the drug store to buy the test. He said he’d be right home.

I returned from my errand, and he wasn’t home. I couldn’t wait any longer and I took the test. I called him again and he said he was really going to be right home this time. He asked if I had taken the test and I lied, and said no. I met him at the door, test in hand, and told him he was going to be a father. He grabbed me, hugged me, and through tears told me it was the happiest moment of his life.

We left for my aunt’s house and I called my best friend. We had decided long before we’d only tell a couple of people right away, A, and my grandma. When A answered the phone, I tried to be casual. “Guess what?” I asked. I think she knew right away, but she answered, “What?!” “I’M PREGNANT!” Damn, I had waited so long to make that call! She screamed. I think she cried. It was the perfect response.

At my aunt’s we couldn’t be in the same room together, we were so giddy we’d look at each other and start giggling. I think if my dad had been there we would have spilled the beans regardless of our pact, but he’s a CPA and was working (tax season). Finally we were able to go home and celebrate.

It was one of the best days of my life. And the scariest. I had been having serious doubts about our marriage, and on any given day, you could find me googling info about international adoption or divorce, depending on what was going on at home. As a child of divorce I always swore that I wouldn’t bring a child into such a precarious situation. But here we were. What happened next was completely up to MD, and that, quite frankly, scared the crap out of me.

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