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September 9, 2005 / allyo

Waking up

On Wednesday Karen asked people to tell her how they were doing and part of my comment was, "We’re poor but happy."

We’re not poor. I, personally, have never been poor. Even that one quarter in college when I lived on Ramen noodles, I wasn’t really poor.

I am, in fact, a spoiled, middle-class, white girl who for years felt she deserved a lifestyle she could not sustain. I have cable, high-speed internet, a cell phone. I have organic yogurt in my fridge and my air conditioner is running.

Stucco may be crumbling off our house and our garage door may be broken, but we’re not poor. My child’s tummy is full and he has a beautiful nursery and a dresser full of clothes. We have health insurance that is affordable (for MD and Jamie) or free (for me).

We both have an education. MD may not have a college degree, but he has the ability to get one if he so wishes.

I’d say MD and I are both very socially aware. We’re environmentally conscious. We make choices that keep in mind the greater good. But I (and I can only speak for myself) have been viewing the world through a bubble, a lens so to speak. The lens of someone who has always been provided for, who has always been told that she is smart and can do anything she wants. Yes, one of my earliest memories is seeing my mom being arrested for shoplifting, but I was fortunate enough to have grandparents that rescued me from that life and gave me everything they could.

I am not poor. I am rich beyond belief and it’s taken me 35 years to realize that. I am ashamed, and all I can say is, I’m not going to sit here and just hate myself. I’m going to do better. I swear.

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One Comment

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  1. Austina / Sep 16 2005 10:34 pm

    Knowing you and your stuggles with money, I think this is a great entry. Yes you are a rich woman full of treasure. YOur only limit is yourself. I am so happy for your new found realization.

    Austina

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