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May 16, 2005 / allyo

The thing is

I get depressed. Sometimes it comes on slowly. I’ll wake up, go about my business, and at some point I’ll realize I’m in that hole. Other times it comes on like a migraine, swift and sudden. One minute I’m fine, the other, bam.

Mad Dog and I have a troubled history that I’ve alluded to before. I have my own history of co-dependence, separation anxiety, and mild depression that go back to childhood, and the way we used to interact exacerbated these issues. For the most part we’re beyond that, but sometimes I still react to him in self-destructive ways. Of course the problem is it’s not just me that’s affected by my behavior now, it’s Jamie and I found myself yelling at MD yesterday with the boy in my arms. I realized what I was doing and left the room, but there’s just no excuse. None.

We’ve talked about going back to marriage counseling anyway, just to iron out some post-baby details, and I guess I could use some more one-on-one sessions. I just want to be finished with all the soul-searching, navel gazing, mememe stuff.


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