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February 24, 2005 / allyo


At about 4 ½ months postpartum, I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. Now don’t shoot me. It wasn’t a great weight to start with, not terrible, but higher than I’d like. And I didn’t gain a whole lot while preggers with the Boy. I think it was right around 20 lbs. Yeah, don’t shoot me for that either.

My relationship with food is of the love/hate variety. And no, not just “I love it but it hates me.” I can maintain a healthy weight easily, but I’m an emotional eater so all it takes is an extended crisis to shoot me up a size. I was skinny-skinny in high school because my grandmother had me on Weight Watchers if I gained more than a pound or two. That of course did wonders for how I view my body and its connection to my feelings of self-worth. She didn’t mean to do that, but this is the woman who once quit smoking then started back up because she gained 5 lbs.

I had finally reached my equilibrium about six years ago, but then I started grad school. Mad Dog and I got engaged a couple months later and then he started acting like an asshole. I spent the next few years on an emotional roller coaster fueled by my codependency and his passive-aggressiveness. I kept it together until after the wedding but then the pounds piled on. Just a size worth, but oh do I hate this new body.

In the last year not only have I been blessed with my little man, but Mad Dog and I have pulled ourselves together and hopefully worked past our own personal issues once and for all. I feel like the pieces of my life are falling into place. Breastfeeding really seems to burn the calories for me, and once the weather warms up and the days get longer I should be able to get out with the dogs for a good walk a few times a week. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get the weight monkey off my back. I don’t need to lose a ton – twenty pounds would do me nicely. So maybe, just maybe, I’ll get there.


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