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February 16, 2005 / allyo

Pulled in all directions

Recently the Boy started going to bed at 7:30, which made me very sad because now I only get to spend, at most 2 hours a day M-F with him. Now he’s still going to bed at 7:30, but some nights he’s waking up at 8, 8:30, 9:00, etc., until 10:00 when he finally settles down for the night. And it’s bugging me because I can’t get anything done. Or eat dinner sometimes.

I’m having supply issues – barely pumping enough to keep up with his daycare bottles and it’s making me crazy. Comfort sucking can be a good way to build your supply because it stimulates the nipples* but I’m trying to limit his comfort sucking at night because I worry it’s interfering with him getting to sleep earlier.

I want to have fun on the weekends when the three of us are together but if we don’t spend every minute cleaning, doing laundry, running errands and cooking for the upcoming week, the house is a mess, I feel very disorganized and scattered, and I get even crazier when the Boy doesn’t let me get stuff done during the week.

Is it any wonder that I feel like I’m running around in circles?

Underlying all of us is the nagging feeling that, if I could only stay home, this would all be better. When I’m home with the Boy during the week, he goes to bed a little earlier and often stays down until his 10:00 feeding. When we’re together, there are no supply issues – this is really a pumping issue. And when I’m home all day, I can accomplish a lot of small, 20 minute tasks that add up to a cleaner house and a better organized life.

But, when I’m with him all day, I’ll admit it, sometimes I get a little bored. Mad Dog doesn’t get home most nights until after 8, sometimes 9, so I don’t ever get a break. And there are the days where I don’t do anything but goof off online when I’m not taking care of the Boy, so I feel disorganized and guilty anyway.

It’s enough to make a person go insane. Insaner. 

*“stimulate the nipples” can’t wait for the search engine results on that phrase.


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