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February 14, 2005 / allyo

But for the grace of…

My cousin and his wife are getting a divorce. My first reaction was sorrow – his wife and I were quite good friends. Not the go out for drinks type, but the fairly regular email correspondence type. Plus, my dad’s family gets together every couple of months for birthdays so we’ve spent a good deal of time together.

The beans about the divorce were spilled shortly after the Boy was born. At that time, I think we all were sad, and hoped that maybe they’d be able to reconcile. The core issue was my cousin’s addiction to tranquilizers. A bad thing, yes, but surely with some counseling they could work it out? Well, things spiraled as they often do in these situations. Now it appears that my cousin is chronically depressed and his (ex) wife has bipolar disorder but refuses to take medication…! At this point we’re all hoping the divorce goes smoothly and everyone involved, especially their 4-year-old son, can get on with happier lives.

I’m amazed when I think that just two years ago, MD and I were teetering on the brink of divorce ourselves. Christmas 2002 I was so stressed and anxious I felt on the verge of throwing up 24/7. I did some soul-searching and decided I wasn’t quite ready to leave. A year and lots of therapy later things were better, but I still wasn’t sure. We had both come a long way, but I didn’t know if it was far enough. In a period of optimism, I told MD I wanted to go off the pill again. I think that was around September 2003. We decided to start seriously trying again in January. By that point my optimism was waning and I was thinking about going back on the pill but couldn’t quite bring myself to do so.

You know what happens next. The first Saturday in February 2004 I realized my period was late. Later than it had ever been. I had fallen asleep on the couch that afternoon while waiting for MD to get ready to go run errands with me and slept for 3 or 4 hours. I was eating like a horse. And the next day I finally got a positive home pregnancy test.

Our marriage is still far from perfect, but we’re happy. And of course we have the Boy. This is our life, we built it together, and it’s a pretty good one at that. Happy Valentine’s day to my sweetie. I love you.

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