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January 3, 2005 / allyo

Happy zzzz…

Mad Dog and I have never been the mad partiers on New Year’s Eve.  We mostly refer to it scornfully as “amateur night” and avoid bars and public parties like the plague.  Back when we were in our 20s this usually meant a party at our house during which much alcohol was consumed, culminating in a massive sleep-over and breakfast the next morning.  The last few years as most of our friends have had children, it’s morphed into dinner out, slightly more restrained drinking of more sophisticated beverages, then to someone’s home to watch the ball drop.  This year, we had dinner at a friends house, drank a bottle and a half of wine BETWEEN THE FOUR OF US, put the kids down to sleep, and then the adults struggled to stay awake until midnight.  By 12:30 we were on our way home to bed.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  The past four years I’ve watched my friends get pregnant once, sometimes twice, while Mad Dog and I struggled.  Struggled to conceive, struggled to save our marriage, struggled with money (that one is still pertinent).  We had talked several times about fertility testing, and I was finally working up the courage to call my ob when I became pregnant with the Boy.  Who knows why it took so long, (probably close to 2 ½ years total, counting breaks as I finished writing my thesis and we went through marriage counseling to try and figure out if we even wanted to be married, let alone start a family), and who knows what will happen if we decided to try for number two.  The way our finances are going, I doubt we’ll be able to afford a second child anyway, much as it breaks my heart. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, 2004 was amazing.  We found out the first weekend in February that I was pregnant, and things only went up from there.  Somehow along the way our marriage became rock-solid (I hope), and we are now blessed with this wonderful little person.  My joy over this is intense.  At times it consumes me.  As tired as I am, as stressed out as I am about money, time, having to work, not having Mad Dog home as much as I’d like, etc., etc., etc., my son brings me a joy and a peace that is amazing.  Being his parent, parenting him with MD, god, just watching him smile, laugh, and kick every morning and night, it’s a gift and a blessing.  It’s what MD and I were designed to do – I respect everyone’s choices, and if you choose not to have children, I respect that – but, for us, this is it.  This is the best thing we can be, is to be his parents.

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